Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
