piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
