I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
