I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
