Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
