You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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