Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
