Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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