I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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