then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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