so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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