great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
