Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
