The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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