his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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