guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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