It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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