He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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