What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
