yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
