After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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