Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
