Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
