went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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