Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
