Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You took a bar mat shot.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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