I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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