weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
