i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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