Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
