I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
