Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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