I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Who died my cat blue again?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
