I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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