why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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