You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We need to rekindle our bromance
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
