saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
