All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
