I checked into jail on foursquare
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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