Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
