You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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