He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
