More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
