ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
