we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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