i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
