Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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