i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
