I'm drive I can fine osifer
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
