the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
