I feel like I'm in dance class right now
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
