In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
