I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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