your parents love me but you hate me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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