Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
