I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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