dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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