whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
